yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
