god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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