i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
