I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
