I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
