By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
