i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
