You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
