I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
