Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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