I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
