We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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