Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
