it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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