2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
