This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
