So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
