I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
