Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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