Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize