yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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