Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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