You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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