As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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