508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
