I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Be still, my beating vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
