he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
