I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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