wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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