I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
