Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
