Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
