U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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