My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
