shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found puke in my bra..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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