Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
