she woke up with a sticky ear
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
