i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
