Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
