I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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