meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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