I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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