its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
