Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
