I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
