Have you finally orgasmed yet?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
