Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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