no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
