You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
