the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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