i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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