That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
