Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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