Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
