life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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