Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
