You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize