i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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