Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
