one might say we're banned from that church
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
