Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
