the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
