I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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