My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
