Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
