so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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