I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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