I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize