Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
